Tuesday, May 03, 2005 :::
I know, I know..It's been a while, eh my pets? Pilot season kinda took a lot out of me, including all of my free time. Funny how working 15hrs a day can do that to a person. But I cannot complain, I got to meet a lot of cool celebs & feel all powerful and important in the work I did which has led me to hiatus. Yes, I said hiatus- not unemployment- I still have the key to my office god dammit. Considering I haven't taken a real vacation, meaning not interning, working, taking classes, baby-sitting, etc. since I was in middle school, I'm starting to get antsy. I'm at the point where there are a lot of things I want to do & see in & around LA but I'm seriously lacking the motivation to get out & go. Instead I have been catching up on lost sleep, which my mother says you can never make up, but I'm trying none the less.
The new year has proved to be interesting. While last year was a whirlwind of utter gluttony this year has found me a bit more tame, (with the exception of the weekend in Vegas...but when in Rome...), and a lot more searching with the same amount of confusion as to what exactly it is I am searching for. Now that I'm on hiatus I find my mind once again wandering to thoughts of going back to school to study modern poetry (which would equal what kind of career??), or psycology. And if I didn't have to take any tests or write any papers, or pay any money for that matter, I would go back to school in a heartbeat. If only I could just sit & learn & absorb. I'd rather be a sponge. So here I sit, getting bored again, and this time it sucks because at least after graduation last year most of my friends were also jobless & able to hang out but now I'm all by my lonesome. Which is dangerous. I tend to think too much when I'm alone, over-analyze if you will. But whatever, that at least always produces some good poetry.
I am, however, realizing that some people reeeealy piss me off. Backstabing, nasty, sneeky people with nothing positive to say should just keep their mouths shut if they lack the courage of their convictions to actually tell another person how they feel. But I suppose I am no better after that passive agressive statement. I'm trying desperatly to learn how to keep my mouth shut about my own shit, especially around people I've found time & time again that I unfortunatly, just cannot trust.
And now for a note on marriage & babies:
It seems as though the marriage bug has bitten. Three friends from highschool are engaged (2 to eachother), one old buddy from college is getting married this weekend, my brother is getting married this summer....it's just weddings weddings weddings. Which means that soon there will be babies galore! I must admit that my biological clock is tick-tick-ticking. Yes, I am young, & no there is no one in my life, but I must admit the twinge of jealousy I feel. As a friend recently said to me, "You've just got a lot of love to give, don't you Jen?"- and I do. I even find myself secretly sighing, "Man is that Britteny Spears lucky!"- & not even referring to her money or hot stream of men that have poured from her bed. I know that being 22 & on hiatus (did I mention I'm on hiatus?!?!)- that I have no business even thinking about having a family, but I can't help daydreaming about one day having kids & about how cute & well dressed & well behavied they will be. And about the love. And about the family. I think about that a lot.
Goals for the week: Work on my tan
Get "Kevin Hill" to pay me the $ I'm owed
Stop thinking about stupid boys
Finish the new poem I started
Write more. A lot more.
Well, I believe that's enough of a rant for now. Look out for a new poem comin' atcha soon!!
~J
*Much love to the BRB's & Team Vag
::: posted by Jen at 7:03 PM
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