Thursday, June 12, 2003 :::
I prefer to sleep alone. I need my space to dream. I tend to flail. Many bed partners have been slapped unintentionally. (Some disservingly, but unintentionally.) I walk alone in the rain, don't want to share my umbrella or else I'd be half drenched. I'd rather be fully dry and walk alone. Rather be a 3rd wheel then appear in a flat pair. I'd rather be happy alone then contently coupled. My time will come, I am young yet. And I'm busy. Sure one day I'll settle down. Some buck will nab this filly. Or I'll tame myself. (I'm quite picky.) Starfish don't need a mate to procreate. Grow 'um myself, make sure they're grown right. Sure seeing other couples sometimes makes me long for what I don't have, and at night before I fall asleep the bed's often lonely, but I'm always glad to wake up alone- with a sigh of relief at my own company. Others are not to be counted on, if I love myself enough for two. Friends come and go and become preoccupied with their own lives no matter how many bonds are shared, so it is with acceptance for this inevidable parting that I love. Because how many best friends does one aquire within a lifetime? And how many last that long? No one can promise me forever and follow through, so I'd rather not hear the words and be dissapointed. I'd rather wake up alone then next to you.
"I could have been somebody else, but now I'm me this time"- Pete Yorn
::: posted by Jen at 12:10 AM
Friday, June 06, 2003 :::
Ok, so I've missed a few weeks or so. I've been busy, kiss my white ghetto ass. Here's what I've been up to: The semester ended without my Final Media Production project being done. Stress like no other. Thankfully, my best friend arrived shortly thereafter for graduation. Graduation was wierd for me- as so many of my friends were walking, it felt like it should have been me- like the speakers were talking to me but they weren't I've got another year left of my college career.- this school is going to be a different place next year.
I've also been working a hell of a lot- between Barnes & Noble, Boston Casting, & other casting gigs I manage to aquire through various resources. The most recent I've done are: The Real World (thanks Megs), The Apprenctice (The New NBC reality show w/Donald Trump), and the new David Mamet film. Also, my mom was in town for a week which made my blending of work & social life a bit more complicated, but lots of shopping was done & my 2nd stress of the summer was quelled: I now have an apartment!! (If you know anyone that wants to buy a bed or desk, let me know. ) I love my mom & she's good to me, I just need my space sometimes & I don't think she understands that I can do things for myself, or maybe its just that she's so used to doing things for me I sometimes stil let her. I just need my private time, & that's hard to get when your mom is staying with you for a week.
I read a book which every girl reading this should: The Go-Girl Guide to Your 20's. It's really great. I thought it would be kitchy, but it had some amazing information in it & it was written quite well. After reading that it inspired me to get: The Everything After College Book: Real World Advice for Surviving and Thriving on Your Own, and Smart Women Finish Rich, because once I get a job out of school, I'm planning on being VERY smart with my money, so I'm reading up on personal finance.I've been thinking a lot about my career, the fact that I even have one- and how much I love it. It's really amazing. Yay for 30% off all books! Let's see, let's see....oh! I did finally finish that media project, about 2 days ago. But it's done & its good I figured out Final Cut & I'm a pretty decent editer if I do say so myself. So on another note, one of my best friend's is leaving Boston soon, & it makes me so sad. Mrs. White, in the kitchen, with the keg. But she & her boy will be in LA (or close enough), so when I fly out for New Years Festivities, it will be a fabulous reunion. Now, I'm going to take a risk here & say something even though I'm not sure who reads this, but I'm pretty sure that the person this is about doesn't read it: There is someone I love very very much who I feel no longer needs me in their life. And I don't know what to do. So I'm just going to do nothing for now. And just continue to remind them that I love them & I'm here, and if things don't change come January (once I've made my move)- then I just might have to broach the subject with the person here mentioned.
Other then that, I get the feeling this summer is going to fly by. My brother & his new girlf. are going to be visiting me in July, and I am super excited about my new apartment & classes starting. 6 months till LA! & 4 months till I'm 21!!!!! I'd like to end with an email I recieved recently which kinda sums up where I am right now in my life. I'm a bitch- so be it.
When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a "BITCH".
When I stand up for those I love, they call me a "BITCH".
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way,
they call me a "BITCH".
Being a "BITCH" means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I
live my life my way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me. When
I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a
"BITCH".
The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being
everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.
It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I
truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I should
be.
I am outspoken, opinionated and determined.
I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every
ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed.
And if that makes me a "BITCH", so be it. I embrace the title and am
proud to bear it.
B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself
...........and..........
B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman
...........and..........
B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything
::: posted by Jen at 3:44 PM
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