Tuesday, February 18, 2003 :::
I'm sick of being online all the time. I'm bored, I'm so fucking bored with things right now. I'm just getting frustrated with my life and people in it right now. This midpoint that I'm at, stuck, its aweful. There just seems to be so many things that I wish I could say to people in my life that I cant right now for various reasons and its killing me. Some of its hurting me, some is just making me bitter and resentful. I have a few weeks to loose some weight before I go to skinnyLAland, and that's annoying me because I'm not, nor will I ever be a swimsuit model. There are some things I will just never be, and some people I will never be enough for. I dont mean to be so negative right now I just get like this when I'm stuck at home for too long and this snow day isnt helping. Maybe its the weather. But I used to be this always cheerful enthusiastic person and I've become this negative, selfdepricating, crass at best person lately. Maybe I just need some sunshine. But nothing from the outside will help, I need to make a change on the inside. A big change. I'm just not sure where to start.
::: posted by Jen at 1:15 PM
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