Friday, August 02, 2002 :::
Realization: At times, I am a lot of bad things. I am annoying, I am bossy, I am a hypocrite, I am jealous, I am immature, I am too mature, & I still expect others to treat me like the queen I am. Because I am not perfect. But I am perfect for me for now. And maybe thats not good enough for some people. Or maybe others dont appreciate it. Hell, I'll admit it, I can be downright difficult. And I know it. Maybe my thing is that I fully recognize all of my good traits & all of my bad traits- anything mean or rude anyone could say to me: chances are, I've heard it before from people I loved more. Its what people dont say that hurts. It's the silences. Its me doing all the work, & putting my voulnerable self out on a limb for people that hurts. No more. I'm making a vow to myself to never do that again. I'm not so much as going to IM another person 1st - I'm through being the person no one calls bc they assume I'll call them (bc I always do)- & I'm that person in a lot of aspects in my life. And its just because I think that if I dont do it myself, it wont get done, or things wont go as I'd like them to, which is true, but I think its time i stopped trying to take so much control of others & situations & take more control over my own actions. Yeah. Thats it. I need to stop neurotically obsessing & just let life live me. {sigh} Good times. Love to you all. ~Jen
::: posted by Jen at 1:55 AM
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