Monday, June 03, 2002 :::
"And just like the Movies, we play out our last scene. I won't cry. You won't scream."
I'm just chillin out. I've been waiting to start my 2nd job & my internship until after my mom leaves (she'll be here for alumni weekend from Wed.-Mon. which means I'm getting my clothes & my laptop back!! JOY!) So yeah, I've just been sleeping & staying up late, watching TV, going online when the computer gods permit, & thinking too much. I haven't seen that much of my castle buddies lately because we've all been busy getting our lives back on track from where we left off which is understandable, but sad all the same. I think I'll see more of them once things settle down & get back to as normal as they ever were. Until then, I'm just here. Just me. I've got my moments. I think I haven't written enough lately. I was just talking to an old friend-my best friend from 6th-12th grade actually. We don't talk much anymore because times & people change, & I'm not having the best day for neumerous reasons, but the convo went a bit like this:
Me: "I'll be fine, I always am" Her: "Yeah, you are. But I bet it gets old. It was old 4 years ago. It was old in the 8th grade." and shes right. I've gone through some shiznit. There's been worse times & there's been better, but no matter what I know I'll be ok. Life's just a bitch sometimes, but I've got good friends who care about me more then they should. I'm stuck thinking back to last summer & how horrible it was. How I almost didn't come back to Emerson, was on the outs with some amazing people, was confused & just plain didnt know who I was or what I wanted from life. Not to say I've been given a divine gift & know the answers to all of lifes little tricks, but I did learn a great amount about myself last summer, & I'm afraid I've forgotten it, or at least just pushed it to the back of my mind. And thats a shame, because I learned about my worth and what I will & will not stand for as a person. The truth is, I'm worth a lot more then the crap I accept from people, & I'm a lot smarter then I sometimes present myself to be. I learned that I both need people & dont need people. (Sidenote: new conclusion: I dont need a man to have children. I know thats a big DUH- it's seen on TV a lot Women having babies on their own, but I never thought about it for myself before. If the time comes when I want to have a child & I'm not married or anything, I can & will do it on my own. Because I can.)- So thats that. I wrote a bad poem last week I think I may post at some point Just for emotional release. Other then that I'm just in Boston. Being.
And an Ex of mine just IMed me to tell me hes going to be in school in RI in 2 weeks. Riiiight. *note to self: theres a reason hes an ex*
::: posted by Jen at 8:56 PM
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