Saturday, March 10, 2007 :::
Ok through my experiances in LA I have noticed some aweful patterns people have, so I am going to take a moment & speak for all women here- but I, along with EVERY WOMAN I KNOW am sick to death of the confusion with men. I just don't understand what the issue is with asking a girl on a date if you like her. Not a group hang. Not "hanging out." Not getting a number under the guise of hanging out or of getting a group together to go kiaking or mountaing biking or have a South Park marathon or WHATEVER- fuck the almost kiss, the platonic sleepover, the awlkward wondering. If you are interested in being more than friends with someone say the word DATE. I have done it. And in my case it either has led to rejection or a relationship that consisted of me making every move from there on. So I am done. If you want my number, ask for it. If you are interested in me as more than a friend & want to catch a movie- call it what it is- a DATE. Step up. And if there's a guy who wants more who can't ask for it, he isn't anyone I'd want anyway- because any man I am with would have the confidence to ask for what he wants. Note: if either party are drunk it doesn't count. Note #2: If you ask someone on a date & the friendship is lost in awlkwardness-they weren't really your friend anway.
The same goes for hookups in a similar manner- if it is a hook up & only that- don't make a woman think it's more. We've all been there. You like someone, you hook up. Only to have the horrid conversaton that the other person isn't really looking for a realationship or to date anyone. We are all adults & women have the same needs & desires as men. The vast majority of women are perfectly capable of having a sexual relationship without emotions getting involved if we know that's all it is from the get-go. So don't introduce your booty call to your parents, best friends or dog. And don't tell your random drunk dial your childhood stories, teenage angsts, and future goals. It just sends confusing signals.
I'm not even going to get into the bullshit politics that go along with living in LA & working in the I-scratch-your-back-you-suck-my-dick-industry. It's transparent. People are too easy to read.
Let's start being real with eachother people. Put it out there and move forward or move on.
That is all.
~JLabels: rant
::: posted by Jen at 5:53 AM
Tuesday, February 07, 2006 :::
I posted this poem a while back, but upon going over some of my writing it is really my favorite & I feel it disserves a 2nd posting:
Underestimated
Women are underestimated everyday
and it makes me laugh
Men think they're on top,
Hard & Strong
when I can control any man by wearing a low-cut shirt
and talking about sex,
soft and gentile like
Helen of Troy, the thought of fucking her started a war-
-Literally.
Wars, once started out of love & passion
now out of oil & religion,
And we're running out of oil
Fast & Strong
and our children will be fucked-
-Literally.
And it clouds my vision to the point where I almost don't want to have any.
But if you were to ask my ex, he'd disagree,
Never interested in fighting for me...
but then again, my name's not Helen.
He fucked me in every way a person can be fucked-
-Literally.
Hard & Fast.
Soft & Quiet.
Through the center of my brain clouding my vision to the point where I'm still writing about it years later.
And my friends would say, Leave it alone.
Because nothing good can come of it.
Nothing good can come of it.
Nothing good can come of it.
Except me coming one last time from the feeling of him filling the inside of me
Hard & Fast
Soft & Gentile
Through the center of my brain,
To the point where I haven't found love since him,
like a blind man fingering a bright room
for a light switch
because he can't believe his eyes.
But 20million viewers can't be wrong
& I want to be right
all the time
Which is my problem.
I'd rather be miserable & right
then happy & wrong
But most of the world feels that way,
or at least they must
when murder is a song.
Movies say death is but a window
and we all keep look, look, lookin for the light,
Thinking it will seep in under the blinds & slowly fill the room with its soft glow,
When really it comes
Hard & Fast
if it comes at all,
through the center of my brain clouding my vision with the haze of a nap that lasted an hour too long.
Causing the thought: I know it's eight but is that day or night? Fuck, I shouldn't have slept so long,
Nothing good can come of it.
Nothing good can come of it.
Nothing good can come of it.
If it comes at all,
But I always do, slightly easy
and always on time.
Even though my timing in love may be off,
I am always on time
Even when it's to see an old friend who's fucked me over,
without the fun part.
And the only thing worse then a friendship based on old memories
is knowing that you would still do anything for that person
Even though you know better,
Because nothing good can come of it.
And it becomes the same old friendship
to the soundtrack of some new indie rock and the same old jokes.
But the new music doesn't make me think anything new
and the old jokes still make me laugh
At least on the inside.
I'm always laughing on the inside
So at least I can say
I got there first.
Like a kid slipping in the cafeteria and laughing at himself before the bullies can.
Because if anyone catches embarasement in your eyes,
nothing good can come of it.
And my eyes give me away all the time.
Which is my problem.
When men know I'm in love with them before I'm ready to admit it to myself.
It's written in my batting eyes of blue & gold
And not even salty tears can wash it away
Like highlighter under a black light glowing
love drips from the tips of my eyelashes for all to see,
Soft & Wet
And nothing good can come of it.
I'd have to build a glass house in the ocean
to hide my emotions,
Fragile & Vulnerable,
you break it you bought it
you'd better wipe your feet before coming into my house
But you'd better believe I'll break your back
If I get you into my bed where
the sun seeps in under the blinds
And throws dots of light onto my
ironically white sheets
Like an insect infested
yet chlorine clean pool
And the sun seeps in through the palms
& throws dots of light onto the Barbie & Ken sized waves and
ironically Barbie & Ken have broken up
Quiet & Fast
through the center of my brain clouding my vision
because Barbie & Ken were supposed to make it
And if they can't then how the fuck can I, & I don't even own
a pink corvette or dream house.
Hell, my prized posessions are a 7yr. old computer that barely runs and a vibrator that always gets me off.
But nothing good can come of it
Except an unemotional fulfillment
from an inanimate object.
Hard & Fast
Soft & Gentile or however I want it.
And every woman I know who doesn't own one, wants one.
Especially after talking to me.
But don't get me started because
I'll go off about the fact that the most exciting mail I got today was another $5 coupon from Bed Bath & Beyond.
And I'll go off about
old boyfriends & napping.
And I'll go off about
getting off
And nothing good can come of it
Nothing good can come of it
Nothing good can come of it.
Although I wish I could go off about
politics or religion
Which in my opinion have become one in the same
But I only know how to write about
love & sex.
::: posted by Jen at 11:02 PM
Tuesday, January 17, 2006 :::
Some Damien Rice now, a new poem later:
"Cheers darlin'
Here's to you and your lover boy
Cheers darlin'
I got years to wait around for you
Cheers darlin'
I've got your wedding bells in my ear
Cheers darlin'
You gave me three cigarettes to smoke my tears away
And I die when you mention his name
And I lied, I should have kissed you
When we were runnin' in the rain
I got years to wait..."
::: posted by Jen at 11:35 PM
Friday, January 06, 2006 :::
Libra 1/6/06:
Your interest in someone else may continue today, but it's a quirky form of love that can occupy much of your thoughts. Maybe it's an exciting person you're attracted to or the new and different feelings that you're having. This is not about old-fashioned partnerships, but something freer and more modern. Let your fantasies flow freely, and then you can decide if you really want to follow up on them.
::: posted by Jen at 1:31 PM
Monday, December 19, 2005 :::
My mind is soaked in words
I've come to terms with all my insecurities
And purity's no friend of mine
::: posted by Jen at 3:19 AM
Well, it's holiday time again. Friday I am leaving for Chicago to spend x-mas with my mom, go on a shopping spree @ H&M, & say goodbye to my dying dog. (This is going to be Caramel's last Christmas as he as stage 5 intestinal cancer- the poor sweet puppy).
But, THEN, I am off to FLORIDA!!!!!!- I'm going HOME for the first time in four years & I get to see Wade & Michael & Newman & Janine & the whole Roedel clan & Jenny...and I get to eat at all of my favorite restaurants & go to shitty place, & the special spot on the island & the water at night...& I could not be happier. (Dec. 26-30 I'll be in FL- hit me up!)
After FL, it's back to LA for New Years where I will start 2006. 2006 is looking to be the opposite of 2005. 2005 was all about gluttony. Drinking too much, going out too much, doing things that are unheathy emotionally & physically too much. I'm going to start this year off right, most likely doing one thing on my resolution list- spending time with an old friend I don't see half as much as I would like to...then it's back to ballet twice a week for me! Get this ass of mine in gear...& by gear I mean shape...need to finish that painting I started ooooooh 2 months ago...buy a new computer & an Ipod. Just do things for me- positive things. Enrich my life.
Now, I felt no need to have an Ipod before the last time I flew. Thanksgiving I felt like I was walking around with a record player around my neck. When did cdplayers become obsolete? When did everyone between the ages of 5 & 50 get an Ipod? I used to be all up in technologies shit...now I've lost my techno pimp status. Damn.
Ok, well it's midnight here in LA, tomorrow is my 2nd to last day of work before break officially begins. If I don't post again until the new year, merry christamas, happy hanukkah, merry kwanza, & happy new year to all.
Much love,
~Jen
::: posted by Jen at 3:08 AM
Thursday, December 01, 2005 :::
"I can't lock my door.
No, I don't have no privacy.
The only thing that's mine
is what's inside of me.
And when I hear that voice
moaning inside,
it says You've got to be tough, You've got to take it in stride.
But sometimes I am foolish
I let it get the best of me.
At least I know that my mistakes are my responsibility.
And I just have to laugh to keep from crying."
~a very old Madonna song
::: posted by Jen at 12:30 AM
Sunday, November 27, 2005 :::
I have this feeling, and it's one I've had once before this year already. I meet someone, it seems like there could really be a connection- friendship or more- and I just can't help but think, "wow, if I never see that person again, it will really be a shame." Just the thought of what could be if the universe, hell, if people in general weren't so damn scared and or selfish all the time. What a waste of a spark. It's just that you don't connect with people that often, & to have it be ignored as if its nothing special, well that's just sad.
The 1st time I had this feeling, it didn't work out as I might have hoped. Perhaps this time will be different, or maybe it will just be another one of those missed connections. Missed opportunties. Nice memories.
Time will tell, & at least I feel a poem coming out of all of this.
::: posted by Jen at 7:45 PM
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